The sign I made for the Brisbane Marriage Equality rally today (13th August 2011). It was the winning slogan for the day! I was so excited! :)
There is a Courier mail biased news report today with a poll attached which pushes that Labor will enforce a stolen generation of children without a mum and a dad - that is Gay marriages. Vote you support gay marriage
This 81 year old catholic woman speaks up to support Marriage Equality. She also sends the message that there are many more just like her.
Coming out - I’m a parent
OK - so I have been reading different stories about people coming out or struggling with coming out and how hard it is. I feel for every single person struggling with this issue!
As the parent of a gay son that came out to me last year, I wanted to talk about it from a parents point of view (well mine anyway, because it appears to me that many people react very differently!).
I had known for some time that he was gay… when I say that though, it built up from a slight thought, to a general feeling, through to being nearly certain. I got to the point that I started to subtly (he says now - not so subtly!!) try to create opportunities for him to tell me or discuss it with me and he didn’t.
He and I were pretty close and talked about a lot of things, but he just didn’t ever talk about being interested in anyone at all. At first I thought that he was probably still struggling to come to terms with it himself and gave him time. He appeared to be a pretty together and confident person though and I just didn’t know what was going on with him. I went between thinking he was burying it and ignoring it, to thinking he was just dealing with it really well and hadn’t felt comfortable speaking to me about it. I also wondered if he wasn’t gay and I was making it all up in my head.
For a number of months I tried to work out what was the best way to help or support him through this process. I tried to research some things on the internet and didn’t really find anything that helped me to figure out what to do. My husband and I have gay friends and were very vocal about the Prop 8 issue because we were actually in California visiting when it was going on. I felt like he should know that I would support him, and it was the first time that as a parent I felt completely useless and unable to do anything. My natural instincts to protect and support my child just weren’t cutting it.
During this time, one night I was sitting around having a few drinks with my best friend, her sister who is also a close friend and a number of their family. My friend has been there for me during everything in my life from when I was around 15 onwards. She is my soul sister and I love her deeply. Her family is very Catholic and she teaches at a Catholic school. The issue of gay marriage came up and she started arguing against it. Her sister was also arguing against it for different reasons. Eventually I got up and walked away crying - they came after me and were really concerned about upsetting me. From their point of view it had been a discussion that didn’t personally impact them, but for me it had suddenly gotten really personal.
I told them I thought my son was gay and said that as a parent it breaks my heart to think that if he chooses to get married that he wouldn’t have that right. We talked for a long time and it started to become personal for them as well. They both loved my son a great deal and thought the world of him. I walked away that night realising something that I had not even thought of up until then. I had been so worried about my son and how he was dealing with it all, that it took me by surprise that I might lose friends because of this. I wasn’t prepared to have people in my life that wouldn’t accept him for everything he is.
Eventually I pushed my son into telling me. In hindsight it may not have been the best thing to do and probably not in the right place, however I was genuinely starting to worry about him. I needed him to know that he had my support. I wanted to tell him that it made no difference to me and that I would love him no matter what!
Suddenly it was as though a weight was lifted from our relationship, and we could finally talk about the “elephant in the room”. Over the next few months it was great that he finally allowed me into that part of his life. He could talk about the cute guy he was attracted to, or about his first kiss.
I then went about calling my family and close friends to let them know. It was so great that they all reacted pretty well and were generally very supportive of both him and me. It was difficult for me to do this however, because I knew that I wouldn’t react well to anyone that didn’t support him.
I now talk about my son to lots of people, because I genuinely believe that we have to educate people. I believe we can make a difference by sharing stories which is why I am sharing mine here. I know that my best friend has since our discussion started to research a lot more and has a completely different point of view on gay marriage now. She has been wonderful and counts herself as lucky to know my son.
This is my story, or just a small part of it, but I hope that by sharing it, I may have shed some light on what a parent feels when they find out their son is gay. I don’t pretend to speak for all parents, but I believe that most parents genuinely love and want to support their children if you give them the chance to.
I have hope that one day in the future there won’t even be such a thing as “coming out”. I hope that one day it will just be accepted that you may be attracted to whoever you like without any judgement.
thanks for reading….
Coming Out - I’m Straight
I am finally ready to tell the world - I am straight! I can now admit that I am attracted to the opposite sex. I am not sure how the rest of my family are going to react to this, however I feel the need to be honest with them about the way I feel. I have been trying to hide it for so long and have been so confused. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. My friends just didn’t seem to understand and have always teased me about being attracted to men. For a long time I have fought it and tried to be “normal”, but I just can’t stand it anymore. It is time to be honest to myself and my family and friends. I know that my mother loves me, but what if this changes the way she feels about me? What if she decides that I am sick and depraved and she refuses to accept it? What if my father disowns me? What if my brothers and sister hate me for it?
I want to be able to get married and have children and work in a place that will accept my sexuality. What if I am not able to do these things? What if someone at work finds out and bullies me into giving up my job? What if politicians refuse to allow me the right to marry the man I love? What if the laws of the land won’t allow me to have children with a man? Do I stay and fight for my rights, or find another country that will not discriminate against me and my partner? What if there are people that are so intolerant of my differences that they become violent?
OK - so I am straight. I am actually a straight mother of 3 children, 1 gay and 2 straight. I am married to a straight man and have straight parents. He also has straight parents and a straight sister that is married to another straight man. I have 2 brothers that are straight and a sister that is straight.
So - what is my point? The reality is that I don’t have to worry about revealing my sexuality to anyone. I have never had an awkward conversation with anyone about being a hetrosexual. I wasn’t concerned that my parents would reject me. I didn’t have to worry about not being able to be married to the person I loved. I wasn’t restricted by any laws when it came to having children - even when I was 18 and a single mother! I didn’t spend my teenage years being confused and wondering how every single person in my life would react if I revealed my sexuality.
I grew up assuming I had the right to get married and have children. I never for a moment had to consider my sexuality when it came to choosing a job (ok - sometimes my gender came into .. but that’s another story for another day!!). My question is very simple. Why should one of my sons have to worry about any of these things? My other son and daughter can take these things for granted. I took them for granted.
My son is a wonderful, loving, supportive, intelligent, gorgeous, fun loving person that is growing into a very thoughtful and inspiring man. He has the right to be treated with the same respect and have the same rights as my other two children or myself.
I love all my children equally. They are all awesome, wonderful people. They all deserve a life full of love with their life partners and whatever children they choose to have. Support Gay Marriage http://www.australianmarriageequality.com/wp/ and allow my son to have the same rights as any other 18 year old man in Australia.
